The Cure for Lovesickness

Pink Thunder gets a lot of traffic and comments to her article on Lovesickness. Many of the comments left behind ask for a cure and so I would like to offer these suggestions for the lovelorn and lovetorn.

I believe that the cure for lovesickness lies not within the success or failure of the desired relationship nor does it rest with the behavior or character of the beloved. Instead you and you alone hold the key to curing your lovesickness.

I have described at length the symptoms and experience of lovesickness. Now more on the cause: perhaps the root of lovesickness is found in personal insecurity and fear of the future. You fear the power of the beloved to enhance or destroy your life. Your very chance of happiness on earth depends on the favorable attention of and access to the beloved.

However, if you can free yourself from this fear of the future...if you can release the connection between happiness and the beloved, then you have a chance at reducing or eliminating your lovesickness. For you can be happy no matter what happens between you and your lover. No matter what happens, over time you may find another. Or perhaps you may indeed be alone without someone to love forever. That doesn't mean your life has no meaning and that you are in fact alone. Dedicate your life to yourself -- your own growth and development. To helping and serving others. Get interested in what's going on out there in the world. Shift the focus as much as you can from the other person and expand your vision and heartpower to encompass the world.

This is your cure. Be unafraid of the future -- with or without this person in your life loving you and you alone, you will survive, thrive and contribute to a better world. Have courage and never give up hope for a brighter day...

Comments

[baerlein]

Thank you for this information. It was exactly what I was thinking, just didn't have the words for it. I also believe that one is shifting off the trak of love cure sometimes. It's just important to get back on it!!

[raf]

what if all your thinking is the beloved and you can't imagine the future without her, what if you can't imagine any seconds of your life without her... what if you believe you touched happiness when you were with her, what if you can't imagine happiness without her... what if she was the meaning of your life and she was the one good thing happening to you...

[PinkThunder]

Dear Raf -- I know how you feel. It's tough, I know. But she will always be with you in your heart. Truly you are never without her as she has touched you deeply. Have no fear. Be at peace and think of all the blessings life has brought into your life that were unexpected, including her.

More blessings including wonderful people who will also touch your heart and show you happiness are coming. I promise. Life is full of surprises -- don't look so far back that you miss what's approaching in front of you.

Love and Light, PinkThunder

[one love]

It is pretty sad reading all this. I have known that before. But I still think everyday about the big love. SOme say there is nothing as "a real big love".
Everyday I spend my energy in when will I find her, when will I find the right person, I'm sure I am not the only one who suffers from this thought but I am sure that I am one of the few people who suffer most from it. Many girls I see, I have to think the following: Is she my dreamgirl? Is she the one? These thoughts have strengtened my vigilance. What I want to say the solution from above is the correct solution, but it is almost unpracticable since you cannot just push your feelings down. Especially when you have lived with these mentioned thoughts for 10 years and when you are alone. Only if you can find a way to be kept busy with other feelings and with friends, take part in activities and in the activities thinking of nothing else than it itself it should hopefully possible to overcome both kinds of lovesicknesses. I'll try that out and hope I could help other people with the same or similar problem.
With my best wishes!
A.

[Parseman]

Love sickness is a terrible feeling and unless you are a sociopath or without a soul, you will experience it. You can even be lovesick at times even when you are married if or when you get infatuated with someone at work or even with a neighbor. Weird how we are just wired this way.

Ironically, I have never heard of anyone really having a cure for lovesickness. The only TRUE cure is time. It may take a year, two years, or even longer but eventually the person you thought you could not live life without starts to fade from your heart and memory.

I still get lovesickness on occasion. Because I remember how it almost destroyed my life years ago, I just try to control it by realizing that nothing is forever that includes love unfortunately. Whenever you are in a relationship, always keep in mind the worst-case scenario - THIS PERSON MAY QUIT LOVING YOU AND WALK OUT OF YOUR LIFE. That way, if it does happen, you have prepared yourself for the worst.

[Stevo]

hi all! just thought i would contribute to this form.

i am experiencing lovesickness first hand :(4 the object of my offection initially liked me, and would tell me she loved me on a regular basis.

now, she won't answer my phone calls and doesn;t seem to ever want to see me :(

it really sucks, and it gets in the way of your life. my friends have been brilliant and really supportive, but its hard to shake these feelings off.

i believe the only way fr curinmg it would be to ask the person how they feel about you, and then make sense of what they feel.

after this, you know where you stand and can move on and feel happy! if only i could feel like this, and if only she would answer her phone :-/

[Charlotte]

Hey, This is what I have been thinking i should do but its very hard. I fell in love with a guy i met on the net my partner at the time was abusive and the guy i met was there for me alot i probably owe him my life. I fell in love with him and he said he felt the same way however when we met he said he couldnt cope with someone being close, he is wheelchair bound, and told his closest friends that he wasnt interested in me and he didnt know why i was upset. A year later im still getting over him i still speak to him everyday and i consider him one of my best friends but its hard not to have other feelings for him. Lately however i just that the only way i can accept what has happened and move on with my life is treasure him as someone very special to me but try to put my feelings aside and keep moving forward.
Charlie x

[itssototallyme]

i hate the feeling. I fell in love at high chool, love at first sight. nevr knew this person. still dont. I cant shake off the feeling. I have been feelin for this person for years, but it cud never work with eachother. there is no cure for me.

[Matt]

Thanks for the info. You bullseyed exactly wut i was feeling. it was really weird. i would just think of my girlfriend and almost barf. but i think it was because i was nervous about some things but i think im gunna be ok now. thanks!

[Jason]

I needed this basic info.

I've got a poetic heart, which to me means, sensitive beyond all physical definitions.

Years of betrayel and hurt has left me relationship paralyzed, that I create imaginary dialogue between me and the girl I adore from afar. This is not healthy, because of course I end up being love sick. I can't sleep, eat, function as I normally can.

So, when the girl I can't seem to shake out of my mind doesn't like you in the same way OR in my case right now, sends mixed messages, it creates expetations that I create out of our relationship.

Which to her may mean, Let hang out or chill out, when to me it means..I want to brush her hair out of her eye's.

See? I'm sad, sad, sad.

I know I need to just be happy with me, enjoy MY life and when a girl wants to be a apart of MY life, it'll happen, or like the author said in the first post....never happen.

So, the key here is to just LIVE YOUR LIFE......and be UNAFRAID of YOUR FUTURE.

I'll try that. and after typing this post, I feel a little better as well.

So Thanks...

[Andrew]

When my love suddenly moved away I was heartbroken, we are out of touch by any means of communication and I cannot re-establish contact or forget about her. I am currently in a dilemma, she was my first and only love. I feel lost and dead without her, I pine for her, but the world is large and I fear I may never see her again. I desperately need help one way or the other, especially to help deal with this heartache.

That didn't help.

[anonymous]

That was quite a useless article. I have done all these things towards my own development already. Ive striven towards a high GPA and applied to Ivy League schools. Even if I get accepted to MIT I will still feel worthless.

She is in my head every minute of every day from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I even told her this; i have told her my feelings and she seems indifferent. It seems that I am nothing to her.
Therefore I feel like nothing.
I go out of my way to avoid her in the hallways now. Because the sight of her makes me want to cry and I cant even cry anymore.

I have been cursed. Every moment of my life now is pain, no matter what I do for myself. So why not just end it once and for all? That seems to be the only cure for this disease.

[Flex]

While it may seem hard, I really feel moving on is the cure. It may be hard, but its possible. I know Ive been out with my friends, and when we really start laughing I can forget my sadness.

[PinkThunder]

NOTE: I answer almost all comments individually. For this one, I thought I'd share my response with the rest of you.

I know it must seem difficult now my friend. It's so painful when the one you love cannot accept your love. It can make you feel as though you have nothing to offer.

That's not true however. Her reasons for rejecting you may have little or nothing to do with you and other things that may be happening in her life. If you really love her, then use all your love to wish with all your heart for her happiness. Whenever you feel pain, simply dedicate that pain to her being well. And thank her for inspiring you to such powerful, beautiful feelings and emotions.

Once you go to college, there will be many more women there. It's true that none of them will be her. Still imagine for a moment that a heart as big as yours is capable of fitting more love into it, perhaps someday after time has passed, for another young lady.

Have hope and be courageous. Be open to making new friends and having new adventures, with or without her. Life is too short to spend it being unhappy, dear friend, and there is still so much for you to do and contribute. Especially with a mind and soul like yours.

Be well. If you truly feel as if you may succumb to despair, please take a moment to call 1-800-SUICIDE and tell them what you are thinking. They may be able to help.

PinkThunder

[harley]

This is the third time in my life I have truly loved a woman, and the third time in my life that I have been told "Thanks, but no thanks. Thats not how I feel." The first woman to do this is still my wife, and after 33 years, she is still saying "Thanks, but no thanks." She is just not capable of giving me what I need - the sense of being accepted and acceptable, and the feeling that I am a person of worth and value. Instead, her responses to me makes me see myself as unloved and unlovable. Rather than deal with that through divorce, I just found myself turning off that part of myself and deciding that the solution was just never to really love anyone or trust them with those deep and fragile parts of my soul ever again. It made our married life better - she didn't feel pressed to give something she did not have to give and I could just pretend to go on. We raised our son and he is a healthy and fairly well-adjusted man - a therapist. I built a wonderful wall around myself that only very few people could tell was a wall. My wall was one of empathy and caring. Almost everyone in my life would describe me (people actually do describe me this way) as open and authentic and loving. I am a psychologist by trade, and know how to manage the display of my emotions and feelings in my dealings with others. But there is such a huge and despairing hole in me that it seems nothing can ever fill or fix it. I have been in therapy for it with different therapists from different traditions, tried religious solutions, psychotropic medication, the whole gamut. Nothing seems to help.

Other than my wife, I have fallen in love with two other women. One 25 years ago, one just several months ago. Both started as friendships and progressed toward more and more personal sharing, caring and intimacy. Both wanted to get to the real me (as one called it), and not the persona that I projected and allowed others to see and know. Both started saying "I love you" almost daily and after weeks, I succombed; I let them both in, I was terrified - but I decided to trust them becuase I was beginning to love them. As people first and as lovers second. I started telling them how I felt about them, returning the "I love you" and "Love you" with my own "I love you" and "Love you." It felt so good to be loved, to be cared for, to be accepted, to be told that I mattered and that I meant something important to them. I made myself open and vulnerable to them both. I started letting myself think about them in sexual and romantic ways - and I fell in love with them. Because they wanted to know my heart, I told them - hoping that just maybe, this time, I would not be rejected. But I was. Nicely, and with concern, but rejected none-the-less. In both cases, I felt/feel like a total worthless piece of, well, you know. I feel like I deserve it - how could women like them ever love someone like me? I feel stupid for having let myself care and for thinking that they could or would fall in love with such a worthless soul like me. And I get that I deserve the total misery I feel. After all, maybe, if I remember the searing, torturous pain that feels like it lasts forever - because it truly does - I will be able to avoid it with another person in the future. At least that is my heartfelt hope and prayer.

Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all OBVIOUSLY never felt like this.

[IcySaracen]

I kinda wish I never met her in the first place. I wish I wish i can just turn back time

[Moil]

I can't do anything without thinking about her, i'm supposed to be working now but I'm utterly distracted... There is no way I can stop loving her and I dont even know if she likes me back. What am I to do??? In fact if she likes me or not doesn't matter, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I do believe her friend loves me and she wouldn't accept me!

[Ad]

I'm in a real predicament. I have a cousin who is not related by blood but by adoption. So phsically we are in no way related. We are also best friends and spend alot of time with eachother.

The only problem is I am in love with her.Madly in love with her. She is constantly in my thoughts, leading me to insomnia, bad eating habits and depression. Being kind of related also adds an awful dose of guilt into the equation.

I told her that "I had feelings for her" about about a year ago and she was understanding. I told her I would get over it and apart from some initial discomfort we still hangout and are still good friends. Only problem again is I still love her.

There seems no way out of this mess. If I tell her I want a relationship she, most probably, would reject me and I may lose a best friend and someone I love. If I continue seeing her on a friends basis my love for her is just going to eat me up and further my love fueled depression.

Even if she did want me, it is not likely that a relationship would be easy. It may split the family, especially if we ever fell out. But still, a relationship would probably be my best option in a perfect world.

Confused and unsure,

Ad

[Esso]

i really appreciate that someone in the world
describes exactly the best way to cure yourself from the lovesickness coz it's really one of the worst mental disease.
i went through an awful experience of love failure. i'm a student in the university in the forth year of informatic dept my age about 22 i live in syria.
i lost my concentration in my study i had a deep depression i connected (as you mentioned) between the happiness and my beloved so i found everything bringing me sadness only sadness.
i'm so hopeful that your advices will help me to get cure from my lovesickness and to complete my life normally especially i'm a good student and like to be a professor in computer and take the chance given to me to live my life on this earth

thank you very much

[Shelly]

Was up Lovesick...
Well I read your article due to the fact that I think I am in love with this man...Being that we are both involved in the music business it is so hard to tell were it will go but there are always signs if you pay attention you may catch it for it really makes you sick! I have the upset stomach, the sweaty palms , the shits all that you can imagine. I am truly love sick! I dont know how it got to this point but I know that I have to pull away and get it together! Life is to short to think that anyone you come in contact is a potential Husband cause it is not reality! So with that I say I try to focus on Shelly and keep myself from having a mental breakdown! I just hope I can get my mind off this man! Thanks for reasuring what I already know you just get side track sometime! Hope and pray maybe he will come around but STOP if it ain't happended then it won't! Until he wants to! I will be gone by then Holla!

[Fred Up]

Love sickness in my experience is an inflammation of the emotions. It is a hideous feeling for such a supposedly pure emotion. Love is coy because it has a hidden agenda and its not good. Love is a wrecker. Best fend it off politely next time, before it gets too close, because lovesickness is a kind of hell for sure. My cures, that have been effective in symptom control for me are singing or performing music -example karoake, an occasional paracetemol when the pain is intolerable -proven to be a mild anti inflammatory for the brain, naturally if youve got suicidal tendancies don't take a single one. Seeing people of the opposite sex on a social basis. Giving yourself relief by bringing yourself off. Getting rid of all traces of the beloved, numbers email addresses, contact details, pics. etc. Joining a night class. Getting angry with the person who invaded your life without your initial permission, and captured your heart against your will and then dumping it, like it was some worthless piece of trash, which of course its not. Remember some people use Love as a weapon, you could really just be another victim, chances are your beloved is off trying to unconsciously do the same thing to another sucker-some people really seem to get kicks from doing this, its twisted alright. Love is a flu, a horrible contagan of the emotions. Avoid.

[Jo-]

This is good information. I know it is true. I can't bring myself to implement. Last year, I was left by the love of my life (14 yrs) and am sick still after almost one year. i feel I will never love again. They say time heals all, but I am lost, heartbroken and sick. I go out into the world, and function, take on new projects, but nothing helps.

[1971]

I fell in love when I was just 12 and it was devastating. We could only be friends because he was 15 and I was too young for him, although I know that he had feelings for me. I had no defences, being so young, and no outlet for my love for him, as I couldnt show him, and couldnt tell anyone else how I felt. Everyone thought I had a crush. He was beautiful and he tried to let me down gently. Problem is I have been looking for him in everyone Ive met since and know I wont find him. In the end I made a conscious decision to bury the whole thing inside of myself. That was 36 years ago. I have barely thought about him in recent years, so when he came to me in a dream 2 weeks ago, all that love and pain came back, and Im up to my ears in it again. I googled his name, and ended up with a recent picture of him, but all I can see is that boy. It released so much pent up energy that I didnt know was there that I barely slept for 4 days, and wasnt even tired. I know now that I shouldnt have buried my feelings all those years ago as it just put them on ice. Trouble is I dont know how to get him out of my mind any other way. I know how crazy this sounds, that boy and that girl dont even exist anymore. But I cant get away from the first time I saw him and went into freefall

[Princess Leia]

I just got a doozy of a cure for lovesickness: my lover dumped me cold Tuesday night.

I'm not kidding: I'm sad, but at least not so sickeningly lovesick.