Pink Thunder gets a lot of traffic and comments to her article on Lovesickness. Many of the comments left behind ask for a cure and so I would like to offer these suggestions for the lovelorn and lovetorn.
I believe that the cure for lovesickness lies not within the success or failure of the desired relationship nor does it rest with the behavior or character of the beloved. Instead you and you alone hold the key to curing your lovesickness.
I have described at length the symptoms and experience of lovesickness. Now more on the cause: perhaps the root of lovesickness is found in personal insecurity and fear of the future. You fear the power of the beloved to enhance or destroy your life. Your very chance of happiness on earth depends on the favorable attention of and access to the beloved.
However, if you can free yourself from this fear of the future...if you can release the connection between happiness and the beloved, then you have a chance at reducing or eliminating your lovesickness. For you can be happy no matter what happens between you and your lover. No matter what happens, over time you may find another. Or perhaps you may indeed be alone without someone to love forever. That doesn't mean your life has no meaning and that you are in fact alone. Dedicate your life to yourself -- your own growth and development. To helping and serving others. Get interested in what's going on out there in the world. Shift the focus as much as you can from the other person and expand your vision and heartpower to encompass the world.
This is your cure. Be unafraid of the future -- with or without this person in your life loving you and you alone, you will survive, thrive and contribute to a better world. Have courage and never give up hope for a brighter day...
I can relate to this feeling for sure because I'm going through it now. I've been married for almost 15 years to the most wonderful husband in the universe. He is truly a saint and has treated me better than any human being on earth. Problem is when I married him I had broken up with a boyfriend about 1.5 years earlier. I'm still not over him and don't know if I ever will be. I think he was my soulmate and love of my life. I recently talked to him and it has stirred all these emotions in me especially because he told me still loves me and never will stop loving me. I am walking around in a daze and can't get anything productive done. I have to put on a happy face and pretend for my wonderful husband who doesn't deserve this. I feel so torn and guilty for feeling this way. I don't know what to do. I don't dare tell my husband the truth because it would literally kill him. But I am dying myself inside. I'm even embarrased to tell my therapist about this!! He thinks my husband walks on water and I think he will hate me when I tell him how I feel. I'm so lost. I want more than anything than to be with my ex but the future with him is risky. On the other hand the future with my husband is bright. But the intense love I feel isn't for him but for my ex. I cry just about every day now. Life sucks. I will try to listen to your advice. Thanks for letting me vent. Good luck to everyone else out there who is lovesick.
Posted by: anonymous | April 03, 2008 at 12:34 AM
20 yrs ago I met the girl of my dreams. It was love at first sight. We fell head over heals in love with each other, spending all day everyday together. It lasted for 3 months until her family wrongly interferred, and I lost her. After losing her, I moved 600 miles away. I thought she had simply lost interest in me. She was told that I was killed in a car crash, so, of course, she never tried to contact me. I looked her up on the 'net about a month ago and contacted her. She'd felt the same for me that I had felt for her. And all the old feelings surfaced from both of us. Here's the situation. She's filed for divorce from her 2nd marriage (to 2nd abusive bastard) (I hope that I helped to convince her to leave him for her own good - really). He's going to prison (YEAH). She won't let me come and see her. I'm totally lovesick! I never even dated another woman after I lost her - no interest in anyone else. She says that she wants to look like she did the last time I saw her, otherwise she's afraid I'll reject her (yeah, I know... abused spouse syndrome). 20 years and 3 kids later, I don't expect anyone to look like they did at 17. Maybe she's using it as an excuse, I don't know. Either way, it took years of being a workaholic and convincing myself that I hated her (thru no fault of hers) to become anything close to a normal functioning human. Now, it is worse than 20 yrs ago, because we swapped stories and found out who split us up, and because we both still love each other ( I was her first love, she is the love of my life).
Reading the advice on the cause of love sickness really helped! I just rewrote a very lenghty letter to her and eliminated everything that indicated my personal insecurity and fear of the future, giving her no power over me (for the moment). It was the first time in a month that I could relax and feel good. Now, to go on, one second at a time.
Sometimes, we just have to be told the obvious.
Posted by: Jim | April 04, 2008 at 10:07 PM
to the man who wrote 'This is the third time in my life I have truly loved a woman'
I just wanted to say....there is absolutely no question in the world that you are an amzing soul. I can not accept that you allow yourself to feel this way- this is not showing the love for yourself which unfortunately others need to see to nurture their self-love. You are amazing. Please, for yourself, for me, for us...never forget that you truly are AMAZING
Posted by: Fatou Mbow | May 02, 2008 at 10:17 PM
I love him but found out too late too let him know because when I did he was already planning to leaving for Sydney from Perth where I am I wanted to say goodbye but he cut off communication the week before he left, now he’s gone and I feel empty I want him back but I don’t know how to reach him he left me with no way of contacting him I feel lost without him please help me to move on with my life because I know he is never coming back so I will never see him again jass
Posted by: jassy | May 18, 2008 at 08:43 AM
I'm a straight male - BTW
I came to this blog post in February whilst suffering major love-sickness. It helped me a lot.
A few months on, now, and I'm feeling MUCH better.
One of the most important things that I did was to buy a book on how to attract women (by David DeAngelo) - most guys are too embarrassed to do that.
I have not yet requited my love (give me time - i only finished the book a week ago). But, it has explained so many things about why she is acting the way she did, what I was doing wrong to make her act in those ways, and what I can do to improve my chances of attracting her to me.
Now things are looking up - I feel like i have a bit more control in the relationship.
All i want to do is tell the world that there IS help out there ...so guys...stop moaning ...stop feeling sorry for yourselves (that makes it worse)...get off your bum and go get help! It is so simple.
We should be taught this stuff in schools.
Posted by: Semi - cured myself | June 24, 2008 at 04:41 AM
For as long as I can remember I've always been a person run completly by logic and reason. Rejection has given me an apathetic view toward love.As a result I've never really let myself become too invested in other peoples lives.But all that changed when I met her.I never really knew what it meant to TRULY love someone,to set aside your own happiness to ensure someone elses. To want nothing more than for her to be happy even if Im not the one who gets to make her feel that way.I want to tell her how I feel to know where I stand but shes with my friend who I went to junior high with and I feel guilty just feeling this way about her.Like Im betraying him with this secret.I've always pride myself on saying whatever's on my mind but now Im plagued by lovesickness AND forcing myself to keep my love silent out of respect for my friend!Im about to just save up some money and get away because this feeling of weakness and lack of control is killing me and changing me in to someone I dont like!I had an anxiety attack just 3 days ago because of this!If anyone has a solution for this problem be my guest!Im at my wits end!
Posted by: Lee | July 01, 2008 at 06:01 PM
For as long as I can remember I've lived my life by logic,reason and always looking for a bright side to any problem.It was the only way I could stay sane. Rejection during high school left me with a apathetic view toward love.It wasnt my time.As a result,I never really let myself get too invested in other peoples lives.
Ive studied love, but I never TRULY knew what it meant until I met her.We have way too much in common and I got in too deep.She showed me loves' true essence...To set aside your own happiness in order to ensure someone elses,To want nothing more than for her to be happy,even if I'm not the one who gets to make her feel that way...Now I'm lovesick!I want more than anything to tell her how I feel but shes with my good friend I went to Junior high with!I've always pride myself on saying what I feel WHEN I FEEL IT!But now this forced silence makes me feel weak.Its changing me into someone I dont like and worse off I feel guilty for feeling how feel!I wouldn't wish pain like this on my worse enemy!I about to just save up and get away for a LONG time because its affecting me physically and Im at my wits end!I had an anxiety attack a few days ago due to the stress of this situation!Any possible solutions are welcome and appreciated because I look for a bright side everyday and have yet to see one...
Lee
Posted by: Eu4ia | July 03, 2008 at 11:50 AM
Cure for Love Sickness – A pipeline gone dry
The reason for the obsession is because we can not have the one thing we want or had and can not face it or accept them for who they really are either. Supply and demand. Those who shower us with the love we deserve, and THEN take that love away… become the then primer to the love obsession. If they continued on with the supply of love, we would have not problem. Take note that in normal healthy relationships, and with the true loves in our life… we never felt this way even when the relationship was broken. Because the pain of loss was mutual, the healing was mutual, both individuals respected each other, were sad and both felt the impact of a loss of a precious bond. That is two caring and normal people who were authentic and honest in their feelings.
Love sickness occurs when one party in the relationship is most likely not a nice person and fails to feel any feelings as a normal person would. This person is they type to fall just as heavily for someone the next week after cutting if off with you. There is no normal downtime, no reverence to the relationship and no pain felt. Instead this baggage is shifted onto the caring person who is capable of true love. YOU. There inability to feel – is now onto you creating an imbalance in scales.
What happened was this. This individual APPEARED to love you and the love they GAVE was a life line for you which you started to count on that was abruptly and lost suddenly / turned off. You want so much for this pipe to start flowing again, that you look at every droplet of water as evidence of hope. But most likely it is shut off for good, and its water has been redirected to another available pipeline. The sad part, is that was not pure water. It was impure water adulterated with deceit. It just looked like great water, but the truth of its in-authenticity was quickly revealed. And, there is an element of shock to you… since your water is pure.
So the cure is multifold. You must train your brain not to think of these individuals, neither good nor bad, whenever you catch yourself thinking of them… train your brain to discard it as waste and as a false water. Eventually you will do this automatically at the thought of the person. It is a skill.
Second, LOVE and keep on LOVING and respecting YOU! We are ourselves deserving of love… and if you are love sick, most likely you are a person who has insecurities but a huge capacity for caring about people. If you landed on this site.. you are special and god has other plans for people like you. That love can be redirected to flower nations, because it is water that is truly pure.
And lastly, we must always look at the object with TRUTH. Who were they. Were they kind, were they rude, were they arrogant, were they unloving and inpatient, were they selfish during the relationship? YES Then why must we erase all of these times. Aren’t they as relevant as the times they were loving? YES… In deed – we must look at the truth of who they were and then you may see, that faucet was turned off for a reason… No- one should make you feel sick like this and if they do, they are the wrong person and their water although flowing heavily was NO GOOD.
Posted by: W Rev | July 04, 2008 at 12:45 PM
Cure for Love Sickness – A pipeline gone dry
The reason for the obsession is because we can not have the one thing we want or had and can not face it or accept them for who they really are either. Supply and demand. Those who shower us with the love we deserve, and THEN take that love away… become the then primer to the love obsession. If they continued on with the supply of love, we would have not problem. Take note that in normal healthy relationships, and with the true loves in our life… we never felt this way even when the relationship was broken. Because the pain of loss was mutual, the healing was mutual, both individuals respected each other, were sad and both felt the impact of a loss of a precious bond. That is two caring and normal people who were authentic and honest in their feelings.
Love sickness occurs when one party in the relationship is most likely not a nice person and fails to feel any feelings as a normal person would. This person is they type to fall just as heavily for someone the next week after cutting if off with you. There is no normal downtime, no reverence to the relationship and no pain felt. Instead this baggage is shifted onto the caring person who is capable of true love. YOU. There inability to feel – is now onto you creating an imbalance in scales.
What happened was this. This individual APPEARED to love you and the love they GAVE was a life line for you which you started to count on that was abruptly and lost suddenly / turned off. You want so much for this pipe to start flowing again, that you look at every droplet of water as evidence of hope. But most likely it is shut off for good, and its water has been redirected to another available pipeline. The sad part, is that was not pure water. It was impure water adulterated with deceit. It just looked like great water, but the truth of its in-authenticity was quickly revealed. And, there is an element of shock to you… since your water is pure.
So the cure is multifold. You must train your brain not to think of these individuals, neither good nor bad, whenever you catch yourself thinking of them… train your brain to discard it as waste and as a false water. Eventually you will do this automatically at the thought of the person. It is a skill.
Second, LOVE and keep on LOVING and respecting YOU! We are ourselves deserving of love… and if you are love sick, most likely you are a person who has insecurities but a huge capacity for caring about people. If you landed on this site.. you are special and god has other plans for people like you. That love can be redirected to flower nations, because it is water that is truly pure.
And lastly, we must always look at the object with TRUTH. Who were they. Were they kind, were they rude, were they arrogant, were they unloving and inpatient, were they selfish during the relationship? YES Then why must we erase all of these times. Aren’t they as relevant as the times they were loving? YES… In deed – we must look at the truth of who they were and then you may see, that faucet was turned off for a reason… No- one should make you feel sick like this and if they do, they are the wrong person and their water although flowing heavily was NO GOOD.
Posted by: W Rev | July 04, 2008 at 12:49 PM
BEING IN LOVE
We are always seeking our connection to the Divine, and convince ourselves that we will find it in another human being.
Every other human that walks this earth has come from the divine source, and carries that spark of unconditional love within them. But we fool ourselves into believing we are isolated from that love, and we focus in on another human thinking they and only they can provide it. When we recognise that unconditional love is pouring into each of us from the divine source 24-hours a day, we can release our fear (the opposite of love) and throw our arms wide saying 'I AM LOVE, I can share this with all and I don't have to fool myself into thinking that another human holds that power over me'.
The best cure for lovesickness is to give love - to charity, to groups, to friends, to the needy. And how about that line from the film Marvin's room -
I don't feel I miss out when I am not RECEIVING love because I am doing something that feels so much better GIVING it.
Posted by: Tisca | July 14, 2008 at 01:58 PM
I'm just glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. I am married, but I'm falling for a co-worker who is above me. I can't think straight right now, I obsess over this person. All I can do now is pray, pray, pray for these feelings to go away. I have never had sexual feelings for my husband, so this makes it even worse. I know he adores me back, but he is married too. I have a little girl, who is the light of my life, so I feel trapped as well. I am praying now for a change in my job so I can be away from this person, because I think that's the only way I can get on track again.
Posted by: Michelle | August 20, 2008 at 08:09 AM
I guess I am not alone on here. I think love is something very rare to come twice and this is exactly what happened to me when I found my way on the road of love twice..really twice the second one was a true cure for love but it was out of my hand to take the decision by my own will to leave her and broke my heart before her..I think I am no longer able to love again I think am no longer have an empty place in my heart to love again I think there is no cure for love I think it is just how to learn to be strong and live with this pain.
Posted by: hani | October 05, 2008 at 02:10 AM
Never in my life did I think I would feel this kind of sickness over someone. He has gone back and forth with wanting to be with me and I let him do it because I have such a profound love for him. I can't even tell him I love him for the chance that it will ruin something. I tell him how happy he makes me.. and he says I make him happy too.. but that he does not want a girlfriend and that its a mistake that we keep getting back together because I always end up getting hurt. I am so in love with him I wake up in the morning, clasp my hands together and pray to some higher being that he will come around so that I can feel the happiness I once felt when I thought he did want me. I will never get over him. I feel anyone I meet will be compared to him.
Posted by: J | October 30, 2008 at 04:10 PM
Yeah, okay, but what if ure lovesickness is the exact opposite, you have all the symptoms of lovesickness, but you don't want anything to do with love? Mainly because you don't think love will ever come to you, and etc.......?
Posted by: Anonyms | November 09, 2008 at 02:52 PM
interesting reading....just wana share this, it might help...i started taking care of the girlfriend of a friend of mine when they broke up...i knew her a little, we talked etc, but didnt really know her...she was just a friend. So, she shares all her hurt and pain with me, i listen (she says that is what she likes most about me)...i massage her because her whole body is blocked (was) and in pain...she is looking and feeling much better now...she is also29 years younger than i am...also, there was never and could never be a chance for me...but i also fell in love with her...she will be going back to her own country in 2 weeks...i have done everything i can to help her feel better and cure her love sickness and end up having my own! ha! but....the cure is in knowing that i have been a real friend to a friend in need...and she will always be my friend...and what a great gift is that. time will take care of the rest, the love will fade, but the friendship will last. this is true love.
Posted by: anon | November 12, 2008 at 12:48 PM
I think Stevo wrote about telling her what i think and asking her the same, but it could be the rejection that i'm most affraid of, if she say's she doesn't like me that way, i could never see her again and that's what i'm most affraid of (terrified of).
She works at a hotel i stay at on business, and i'm affraid that even if i'm away for a few days, when i go back she might have left for something else, and again i would never see her again.
Posted by: Roger | November 16, 2008 at 05:35 AM
I know what people are saying here, i wake up at 05.30 (no real need to be awake before 08.00 really) and think of nothing but this girl for the next 2 1/2 hrs, i see her at work and we might meet a coule of times during the day, my thought consist of prospective conversations, laughter and most other things that girls and boys do, after the meetings, the rest of the day is garbage, food tastes like garbage, everything else in the world is totally worthless, friends have become boring, there's a whole in every single minute, if she's off for the day, i spend the entire morning wondering where to go for lunch so i might get a glimps of her, in the evening where she is and what's she's doing, i go to bed at about 20.00 knowing that the earlier i'm asleep the faster tomorrow will come so i can meet again with her, there seems no end. Forgot to mention food, i can't keep it down for long.
Posted by: mike | November 18, 2008 at 09:11 AM
I admire your skill of explainging. What you wrote is short, good, and top on Google. And it's of course true. But, if anyone reads it, i'll state my point. I cured my lovesickness several times. Now, for years I'm completely lovesick free. It feels better this way, BUT: Sometimes you miss that thrill. It's not about meaning of ones life, it's not about meaning at all. It's about feeling something stronger. About feeling in general. I don't feel. I think. Think a lot. Feel my little joys and pains but I miss the taste. I'm affraid of loosing my freedom, but sometimes I'm affraid to miss something important. Life's difficult. No matter what you do, there's always something missing. There's no easy way out. Personal development and wisdom doesn't make it right just like that. It helps, though.
Posted by: Adan | November 20, 2008 at 07:24 AM
I think that the advice written in the article is useless, at list for me. I mean I have been with my girlfriend for more than 6 years and we planned our future and million other things, so suddenly she is saying don't want to be with me anymore just like that. I tried to imagine how it would be without her but its just not possible, even if I have all the women, all the money in the world for me its nothing. So to tell you the truth life sucks and I don't see the point of living any longer.
Posted by: Dark destiny | January 05, 2009 at 06:22 PM
Fred Up loves Crablet XXX
Posted by: Fred Up | January 10, 2009 at 06:57 AM
Phew. I have just bundered into this website years since the party is over. Lovesick is something you have to control. No choice. You can't live inside it and you can't just unload it. I have just spoken to a woman that I was totally besotted with 30 years ago and have not seen since. We still have strong attraction to each other (I think (or just hope?) but our lives have gone in totally different directions. I can still rerun my memory of the sweet intensity and the bitter heartache after the bustup. And I still don't know why that happened. The first thing she said was "I'm sorry". Maybe I'm a masochist but I don't want to forget anything. I just have to control my heart with my brain.
Posted by: Gisli | February 09, 2009 at 06:04 AM
Rightnow I am gooing thrue a break up. These is my third time in life. I think you are right when you say we are afraid of the future, we are afraid of being alone in a future. I also dream about real love and hope I´ll find it again, but one must realice that that is not the only thing in live that matters. There are other kinds of love as well.
Posted by: Marcela | February 14, 2009 at 08:25 AM
I was in love with this girl. We dated before but she moved to London and we had to split up. Now she's back I'm madly in love with her again, more than the first time. But she won't give me a chance to make her happy and I'm in this situation. I was up most of the night thinking about her and when I went to sleep she was right there in my dreams. It's like she's everywhere I look and its making me terribly lovesick.
Posted by: Daniel | February 15, 2009 at 08:16 AM
Twisted into a pretzel,
that's me trying to manage the 30 year old blast from the past,
"I just have to control my heart with my brain"; well yes, the need is true but the alas the end result is still.. heartache.
If someone has contract to find your lost love another live I'd sure like to hear.
Posted by: Gisli | February 21, 2009 at 08:29 AM
I am in a bad place. I am married with a beautiful daughter, I have built a multi-million dollar business which has brought me monetary success, publicity, and ongoing satisfaction with life. I might not be Daniel Craig, but I am a descent looking guy. I look somewhat younger than I am and always have.
My wife is a mess because I work so much and she'd like to leave, but we get along and she hasn't left yet. She's just very unhappy because we are more friends than lovers and the electricity has left between us.
So I travel for a living. I have never cheated on my wife...never so much as kissed someone inappropriately. I was married once before and ditto. I was not looking for anyone because I am generally high on life and my business. But a heavy-drinking English friend of mine takes me out to a strip club (which my wife is absolutely cool with, even envious), and I walk in the door of the place and see the outline of a girl through the crowded bar and...Jesus…Ce fut le coup de foudre…it was all over for me.
It was not a sexual thing initially, at least not entirely. It was much bigger than that. She had tiny breasts and I had not even yet seen her face. She was dressed. It was something else completely and partly both. I've seen plenty of beautiful women, plenty of girls, and I am not what you'd call a sexually driven person. I don’t live for sex. I have very little of it and am perfectly happy most of the time. Not that I don’t love it, but I don’t need it in the same way some people do.
But what happened to me that night was complete and irreversible. It will never fully leave me. I know because I have been there before: Once when I was 15, once about ten or so years ago. I guess I should be lucky, but lovesickness is akin to the death of a close member of your family. It’s very much like when my father passed away.
She’s less than half my age. 19 years old. Her dad is 36 and thus younger than me. Holy mother of Jesus, help me. I have a graduate level education and until the other day I thought I was a smart guy. But I’ve melted and I will never be the same. I’ve lost caring about anything else, even my daughter is secondary. Now I know why these “asshole guys” walk away from everything—or at least why they sometimes do.
She and I hit it off and the encounter eventually turned sexual, as it can in some of these places. That was bad, in retrospect, because if I was completely taken beforehand, afterwards it was like I’d wished for the most beautiful girl in the world to be mine an do anything I wished and the a God had answered my prayers. Died and gone to heaven, I could spend the rest of my days with her. I would give up 50 years of my life for 2 with her. If I’d never been sick like this before, I would say a month or 6 months. I know it gets better, but the first time it took me more than 2 years.
There is another symptom missing on your list. I never reached climax in our encounter because I was so overwhelmed, like an angel had descended on me from Heaven. And I still have not been able to “finish”, if you will, after our encounter. It feels terribly unhealthy and scary. I am quite sure it will get better, but right now it is not and I see no open door at the end of the tunnel. I can’t even get aroused. She’s f’in changed me.
Even she could not keep me aroused. I was so lovesick that I could not, but happier than anyone could ever imagine, all the same. Talk about weird. I have seen some strange things, but I have hit a new high here in my experience. I actually dread being in an encounter with her again because I might embarrass myself again. She just thought it was because I was drunk, but that wasn’t it.
I am writing this both for therapy and for assistance from an expert.
I’m scared for myself and my daughter and my wife, but at least I know real love is possible again; the kind that makes almost everything else seem silly and unimportant.
Yet I am more scared that I may never see this girl again. Girls come and go from clubs like this and my window of time to find her again might be small.
I don’t mean to get graphic, but I need to say, if only for my own sake, that I definitely had an impact on her. I gave her her first orgasm in months, followed by two more the next night, even when she said it wasn’t possible and tried to stop me from attempting round 2. It wasn’t fake. She was mush afterward and had to go brag a bit. That had never happened to her before at the club. My happiness in a relationship comes more from providing than receiving in this arena, so I am pretty good at it.
We exchanged numbers and text messages. We were supposed to meet a third night outside the club and she seemed really sincere about it, though a bit uneasy. She has a boyfriend who drives her around and no driver’s license. So he’d have to drop her in the parking lot of the club and I’d be there waiting for her. She’d come with me rather than go into the club and I’d drop her off later. But she chickened out the next evening and though we texted afterwards a few times, I left town and she has not texted me since. She said sincerely that she would. But she won’t talk on the phone and has either cut me off via text or had a borrowed phone. I don’t know. She’s not without issues, as most girls who turn to this profession are not. But life’s circumstances and an unusual level of intelligence make he far older than her years would suggest and we were able to communicate and connect with one-another, despite our differences.
I sent her some really nice messages since, trying my best not to scare her. But she has a boyfriend who she says she will probably marry and she made it fairly clear that we could not be together unless sometime down the road our situations both changed. And in the end I am pretty sure that I did scare her. I was off the deep end, remember. Even though I wrote them out beforehand and sat on them before I sent them, I think the texts showed that my feelings were too intense -- which they were.
I now feel like she probably thinks I am just a creepy older guy who gave her a few thrills. And maybe I am in a way. That’s probably not exactly what she thinks, but it’s how I feel she thinks nonetheless. Now I just pray to have any kind of encounter with her again. She lives a long way away from me though. So my only remaining avenues are this:
(1) Fly down there and approach her at the club. I can maybe stay 5 nights as a customer, drop a bunch of money, which is no big deal, and see where it goes. At worst I get 5 nights in Heaven, right? And sickness maybe even worse, o.k., but since I don’t think that’s f’in possible, so what the hell do I have to lose? I will wait a couple weeks before doing this, scared all the time that she’ll be gone when I get there.
(2) Send her flowers or something at the club. I do have an acquaintance in town that could hand-deliver in person. But I have tried this in the past with girls I have liked who have not shared the same feelings and they’ve ran. I always go over the top because I don’t tend to under-do anything. If I am to fail, damn it, I want to fail big. I could try your suggestion and send just a small bunch of Gerber daisies, but I don’t think that would do anything. Maybe I am wrong, but it just seems like an old guy thing and it seems cheap. I could send a necklace or something—not over the top but personal. She’s Irish, so I could send a gold harp or something Celtic that didn’t send an “I want to marry you now” message. We both like a couple of the same bands. I could send her a compilation set for one of them. But I’ve always failed at these kinds of things.
Her boyfriend is in the Guard and just got back from Iraq. He might well get deployed again to Afghanistan or elsewhere. She became a stripper when he left. Her family is all over the place and has basically abandoned her, I think, so she fended for herself. But what a cool person, unexpectedly classy, smart, and beautiful beyond the measure of men. So what do I do? Everything I have ever wished for has just been placed in front of me. Everything I have ever achieved in life I have worked harder and smarter for than most men. But here if I work hard I will push her away. She told me what she wants in life, because I asked her and we talked at length. I can give it to her and more. She won’t have to wait around years and strip to get it. But If I am not the one for her, what does it matter that I can do these things. What do I do? Please help.
Posted by: Jack | February 21, 2009 at 04:17 PM