The Cure for Lovesickness

Pink Thunder gets a lot of traffic and comments to her article on Lovesickness. Many of the comments left behind ask for a cure and so I would like to offer these suggestions for the lovelorn and lovetorn.

I believe that the cure for lovesickness lies not within the success or failure of the desired relationship nor does it rest with the behavior or character of the beloved. Instead you and you alone hold the key to curing your lovesickness.

I have described at length the symptoms and experience of lovesickness. Now more on the cause: perhaps the root of lovesickness is found in personal insecurity and fear of the future. You fear the power of the beloved to enhance or destroy your life. Your very chance of happiness on earth depends on the favorable attention of and access to the beloved.

However, if you can free yourself from this fear of the future...if you can release the connection between happiness and the beloved, then you have a chance at reducing or eliminating your lovesickness. For you can be happy no matter what happens between you and your lover. No matter what happens, over time you may find another. Or perhaps you may indeed be alone without someone to love forever. That doesn't mean your life has no meaning and that you are in fact alone. Dedicate your life to yourself -- your own growth and development. To helping and serving others. Get interested in what's going on out there in the world. Shift the focus as much as you can from the other person and expand your vision and heartpower to encompass the world.

This is your cure. Be unafraid of the future -- with or without this person in your life loving you and you alone, you will survive, thrive and contribute to a better world. Have courage and never give up hope for a brighter day...

Comments

[Gisli]

Well reading these comments shows that love is powerful and can mule kick you in the heart. You can divert your mind. But there has been no cure in my 30 year experiment. I hold my memories of love now tangled with heartache. I pray I forget nothing. So I'm became a masochist. No choice for the heart that was marinated in testosterone. Call it a cost of being human.

[Gisli]

Jack, you can't get an answer about why love and life are intertwined with some very sharp edges. The answer shapes itself into where you live, what you are, what you become. You seem to be on the tragic poetic road. You will have many fellow travelers. Fate has looked cruel in ancient Greeks. You will become a better person.

[Jonathan]

I recently met a girl at an outing with a friend, we are now in love with each other, but being alone I just feel awful, I miss her so much, and I get really worried with the "what if she gets hurt?" "what if someone stabs her?" "what if the plane crashes?", and it's driving me insane!
She goes to NY tomorrow for 5 days and I'm really gonna miss her, I have quite a few of those lovesick symptons, and I just want them to go away..

[James]

Hi, I came across this site whilst searching for a cure for lovesickness. I met this girl online about 6 months ago, and we haven't spoken on the phone or met up yet, but recently I have became acutely aware that I have fallen in love with her-it's not something I wanted and it's not something I can help....but she's so mystical, and the fact that she talks to me virtually every night though IM makes it all the more hard. I'm 21 btw and so is she-I've never felt this amazingly good but yet stupidly bad at the same time-when she speaks to me my mood lifts, when I thought it was over I sunk into a depression. She asked me was I angry with her, cos I wasn't talking to her-and I was just trying to stay stabilised for tonight but eventually I ended up telling her how she made me feel and why I was keeping my distance. I can't believe she makes me feel this way when we haven't met/spoke on the phone but she does. And I don't know what to do-it would break my heart just to walk away from her-I can't live with or without her.

[Betelguise]

Hey everybody, just sharing here.

The first time I fell in love, it was unrequited. And I told myself that I'd never fall in love again, this irrational and insane and yet tender feeling. I felt so much like dying. It was emotional torture, steady and near unbearable. Even when I wanted it to stop, it would not. My heart would not listen to my head.

Only when the object of my affection was gone, for three years then did I stop.

Relieved, I thought it would not happen again. But now it has. This is crazy, and even unfair to me. I could not have fallen in love with something even more out of reach. I found out a month ago that the person is already married.

I want it to stop. It is wrong. It is hopeless. It is sick. I know I must stop! But my rebellious heart will not listen or give me mercy.

Is there no hope for me....? (Oh please let it not get as bad as the firs time. Everyday I see this person!!)

[seagirlblue]

I am also very lovesick. I spent many years married to a man I did not love. Split from him and was single for a couple more years. The WHAM this young most gorgeous man I've ever seen comes along and hits me like a ton of bricks. He was in love with me and I with him. It was so intense that I really couldn't take it. I lost 20 pounds because I was so lovesick. But because it caught me off guard, I acted like a total fool and plundered the poor guy with my insecurities and nonsense. I just couldn't accept the fact that he really loved me. I'd never had this before. I'm a beautiful woman, but men rarely approach me and when they do, it's for a piece of ass. When and if they get it, they take off...so I don't trust men at all. But this guy loved me for me. He saw beyond the outer and loved the person I am. I actually broke up with this man who I believe is the love of my life because I couldn't handle it. I've tried and tried to push my feelings for him down and away from me. I don't feel anything for anyone else but him. He's all I can think about and I feel so unbalanced and like a crazy stalker. I check on him every day. He says he misses me and loves me and that he's never stop loving me, but I don't believe him. I guess I may have hurt him. I asked his forgiveness. But I can tell, he's closed up to me. He doesn't trust me anymore. I don't blame him....I feel like such a fruitcake...I'm so confused. The reason I broke up with him is because he has women throwing themselves at him constantly and I was jealous and also because he's 20 years younger than me. WHat do I have to offer him? Nothing, can't have kids..... But this thing is horrible, these feelings always ripping me apart, I'm sooo sad all the time. Heartbroken. We used to talk about how we felt we were lovers in another life. We felt a soul connection. What I really want is for him to be in love with me again the way he used to be. But I think the wise thing would be for me to stop communicating with him and move on with my life. I just can seem to be able to do that.....Life has no flavor without him...i'm sooo lost.........

[J.]

I met somebody last week at a camp, and I can't get my minds off of him. He'll send me an e-mail if/when he wants, but this is killing me....

[Gareth]

I need to do this ^^

I'm 14. I've really, really liked this guy for well over a year now (at least). At the beginning of the Summer holidays last year, I felt really lovesick. I realised it but quickly dismissed it. I'm a guy, too.

A few months later I started to come to terms with my sexuality. I wanted to tell him how I felt but gossip about my crush on him went around and he started avoiding me. I had to tell him online before he heard it. He informed me he's straight, which I had initially thought before people found out and wondered why I hadn't asked him out and I gave the reason that he's straight. However, almost everyone was unsure about it. So I started to let my feelings grow (bad move). I was heartbroken. This was Easter and along came another lovesickness spell.

Once we became friendly again (I told him I was over him although he still asks if I am every now and again), I started to receive mixed signals from him. Ever since they began I have found myself falling deeper, thinking it won't do any harm.

Summer's here again and the lovesickness has commenced. I have nothing else to think about and it and because I know he's straight, it hurts even more.

I needed to get that off my chest.

[Sweet Pea]

It gets better with time? Not. I have loved the same man for more than 20 years. He was my first. I am married to my second husband and we're pretty happy. Recently, though, I reconnected to my first love and it is as emotional, passionate and volatile as ever. I do not want to fall into the same pattern. I just refuse to feel anything but the awesome person I am. After all, I, alone, am responsible for the joy and sweetness of my life. I choose my reactions to other people. I can choose to pine over him or to be happy with myself and my life now. It's amazing how this changes things.

[squirrelly]

It's been three years since I dumped a woman I loved, thinking - knowing - she was not in love with me. I thought that avoiding the reverse happening or worse catching her sleeping around would help avert a painful heart-ache. I still think it was the right decission, but even having the last word on our doomed relationship, I am still love-sick over her. I mean, I moved on with dating and other relationships (a few at a time for a while) but she was always in the forfront of my mind and I literally ached for her, who ever I was with. We live far apart, and I've only seen her from afar by coincience once in the three years that have past since then. I am in a good relationship now, and, I know it is irrational but I still desire her, and hope that she'll come running.... I wish I could just face reality!

[hun]

What if i can´t remember how my life was before meeting my love? What if the 5 years we spent together was the best time of my life? What if i just can´t find anything making me happy except talking to him? What if i lost interest in my life now he´s not with me anymore? I can´t stop thinking about him no matter what i do and how busy i keep myself busy, it just doesn´t work. I miss him so much. I feel like a part of me is gone and i am not a complete person anymore.

[Amy Rowberry]

I know how Lovesickness feels.
At first i thought it was homesickness....
I started University about 2 months ago & sum days have been better than others. Im 2 hrs away from where i live. I miss my family obviously but i miss my boyfriend like mad.
I was home sick when i first went & thought that was the problem but after a while i now think its lovesickness cus i have all the symptoms. All i do is think about him when i shuld be workin which makes it hard to concentrate.
Everytime i come home for the weekend i dred going back because i know i cant see him in the week.
I just miss him so much, he means the world to me.
I miss my family but know that they will always be there for me whereas my boyfriend could easily leave me if he wantd.

It makes me want 2 quite Uni because im not enjoying it while im missing him.

I love him so much & want 2 be able 2 not think bwt him while there but its just so so hard =[

[Section]

Wow. This is an incredible forum here. I've spent months reading everything by everybody - trying to figure out what is wrong with me, and I had no idea until I found this forum.

No need for me to go into all the details of my situation. I could just cut and paste some of your posts and that is how mine would read.

This sickness is terrible. Here I am, thinking that I am a 51 year old tough-guy with a heart made of steel, then some sweet woman steps into my life and I am nothing but a mass of quivering jello, from the time I wake up at 3:00 a.m. to the time I go to sleep at 11:00 at night.

(I am married, she is married, but there will be no affair, neither emotionally or physically. Unspoken agreement between us. We won't do that to our spouses of families. Very tough to go through this).

This has been going on for 5 months now. At least I know I am not alone and now there is an explanation to all of this madness.

To all of you who posted or are just reading because you suffer the same... my heart goes out to you. We are a miserable bunch of people.

[fire]

what about when you know you are about to be with someone? and both of you are ecstatically excited to be together, but its weeks/months away? I can't think, function, do anything, even though I have so truly much i need to get done before I see him again ( i am moving) and time is crunching.. but im dragging my feet and cant be present, because I just cant get him out of my head, there is so much excitement.. its seriously debilitating me.

[13 year old girl, not revealing name]

hi, im 13 and i dnt feel normal, i keep crying and just feeling sad, and i just really want it to stop, how do i stop feeling like this.

[Cheryl Contee]

Hi "13 yr old girl": the way to stop feeling sad is to realize how much bigger your life is than this one person. There are so many good things in our lives - it's easy to forget that when something doesn't go as we hoped it would. Try to get busy doing other things. Strive to be happy come what may and know that you will love again. You are a precious person. You would not be here if the world did not need you. Get out there and live your life -- know that things are unfolding according to God's plan. Your pain is temporary. I know it hurts but it will pass in time...

[jessie]

IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY!! I WANT TO JACK UP THE GIRL WHO TOOK HIM FROM ME!!! NOT FORGET ABOUT THEM

[james]

hi im james im feeling sad because i am lovesick.. sort of like this girl. however bcuz i know i am not rich,smart, many a times when she talks to someone i feel so insecure thinking that she would always be better off with others except me and bcuz of this sometimes i try to avoid her in reality, though i wish i could be with her when im at home or school.when i guess it'll never happen sigh. and shes always on my mind since i wake up til night.. ... its killing me inside. please help me

[LuvSickMayo]

I first met him in 2008 at an art show where he bought one of my photos and we had a long wonderful conversation about art and the meaning of mine...I had a crush on him then, but my husband was with me and so I didn't flirt with him or anything, even though I was intrigued.

Then, last year he and I wound up showing artwork at the same show and he came up to me there, after he recognized me from before, and we had another intelligent and amazing conversation about art and society and things...but no flirting because again, my husband was there...I think I actually introduced my husband to him, that time...anyway...

So, a few weeks ago I saw that Emerson, his roommate Kerrie, my friend Ray and another artist were all having an art show in Fort Worth. I hadn't seen him at all since last year, but when I saw his name, I wanted to go to the show and see if he would talk to me. I didn't really have a plan or anything...I just wanted to encounter him again, you know? So, he wound up hanging around me the whole time and when it was over, he came home with me. ;) We got up the next morning, went for round two, then drank coffee, had long intellectual and profound conversation, played chess and hung out before I took him home. It was awesome.

Since then, we have only hung out 3 other times, but each time is great, so far. I am trying not to feel SO into him, though...I don't want to be wrong again. Love is a strange bird, Claudia. :)

Also, there is a little bit of drama...although we have talked it out and I think everything is going to work out...hopefully. See, he likes me a whole lot, too...and the only problem is that he lives with Kerrie, his best friend who happens to be a girl. I barely know her, and every time I have met her I have liked her. But now she and Emerson are fighting about a lot of things that I don't know all about. I am trying to stay out of it and not freak out about it...they've been living together as long as I was married!! 7 years. Their friendship is a close one, and I think she's jealous that he's into me...but I don't know for sure...I hope this doesn't cause a problem...I really like him!!! :P

I think about him all day...I have tried reading a book, painting, doing my school work, watching a movie, listening to music, getting out of the house...I can't concentrate...nothing helps get him off my mind.

My divorce is not even final yet, and already I am feeling/hoping this is more than I've ever felt before. I don;t want to ruin what seems to be a good thing because I can't be patient. It is all I can do to keep from calling him all the time...I crave his presence. It's almost painful...I've been pacing around all day. :(

[Ant]

I don't think love likes me. I'm in love with this girl and I don't know if she loves me or not. I've tried meditating but when i go to school those thoughts come flooding back. IT IS SO DEPPRESSING! and I can't get her out of my head I JUST CAN'T!!! I've tried yelling at her inside my head for coming into my life,same result. but she's sooo perfect... but Im not gonna commit suiside, that's a immortal sin therefore I would be 1 step away from God...

[noexpert]

hey like most of you i have been love sick and still am in some ways,been going on for about 6 years now. i thought i was a tough guy and emotionally strong but love sickness just cut me down. All i did was sit around and be depressed and look on these message boards and see if any thing worked. I would just be wishing for the next day to bring here to me or free me of the pain.

Now im not a wierdo and im not that old or experienced and i dont claim to be an expert. these are the things that i found really helped.

For one admit it to yourself that you love him/her and you are love sick you are not gonna get any better by lying to yourself. i found that i had been i did not want to admit it.

Number 2 time dosent really help as much as people let on. all it really does is make you better at coping with the pain. now after alot of time it may make your love sickness become like a memory i think through you suppressing it over many years and with other things thatgo on in life i dont think that this is mentally healthy.

I also found music to help alot and if your not a music person then do somthing that you found fun before you were lovesick. i know when you get lovesick all you want to do is sit around and think but just making the effort will make you feel better. i would also suggest doing new and different things. or things that give you a rush.(for me it was paintballing just having paint balls miss me by milimeters gave me a rush and i felt that helped alot).

Im not gonna say you need to talk to friends/family about it i didnt and i know that you dont really want to talk to anyone about it and its one of the hardest things to do. But if you do have a friend that you feel is close enough that you can talk to then go for it, it can only make you feel better and possibly get you some good advice.

Also i found hanging around with friends helped too. we all have those friends that appear too always be too excited all the time and enjoy life abit too much. bit i found that being around a friend that is happy gave me the energy to get on with things and get over it.

Now im not gonna lie there is not an easy way to cure love sickness, no quick fix and you may always feel it. i still feel it when i see her or have some contact with her but i am no longer crippled by the pain. and you will see a point when you get over it and see that you can still have a happy and successful life and it will eventually become so insignificant that you wont notice it anymore.

I hope that this helped some of you and if it didnt im sorry all i can say is keep your chin up its not all doom and gloom we all suffer from this at one point its just some of us are more deeply effected than others. all it can do in the end is make you a stronger and experienced person.

[Benny]

I hear yeah Sister!

This is your cure. Be unafraid of the future -- with or without this person in your life loving you and you alone, you will survive, thrive and contribute to a better world. Have courage and never give up hope for a brighter day..."

But in the end.. if your PAINS & LOVESICKNESS will be the source of your Creatiev Juices ( Thankfully , Not your VAGINA ala LADY GAGA) Then emerse yourself fully and succumbs to it's Sadistic Ecstasy, and BE FRUITFUL!

Cheers,
Benny

[Sebastian]

thank you so much for these good message! your words helped me a lot today and of course they helped to make clear that it all lies within myself and generally speaking on ourselves. yes, i am lovesick right know, but the relationship had no future anyway because of the distance and the expectations for the future life. but i can speak out of experience, because i experienced extreme love sickness 3 years ago - although i never though of killing myself (maybe deep inside myself i know that i am not depending on another people to be happy) - and it was the worst time in my life which turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. after months of suffering, crying, little sleep and drinking i had a moment of awakement, spiritual awakement, bliss. anyway...this would lead too far ;-))

THANK YOU so much.

One Love
Sebastian

[john]

Thank you for the information, I have most of the symptoms but I love someone who is imaginary. I cant get her out of my head as it feels like if she's the only girl i love.
I have met other girls but I only felt in love with them for about a week and then that feeling just dissapear. I really want her to be real and to be existing.

[chanel watches]

I just got a doozy of a cure for lovesickness: my lover dumped me cold Tuesday night.