HELP! My House Has Been Kidnapped by A Gaggle of Gay Men!

It's almost like being in an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight House. A friend hooked me up with a realtor team that appears to consist of a crack team of gay ninja agents. They are experts at "staging" houses for sale quickly. They've been compassionate, loving yet firm, which matches my own MO just fine. I can take it. There's a lot of truth in my life right now. It's a little confrontational but bracing. Like a stiff glass of aquavit.

PT: What about this Tibetan prayer wheel? Do you want me to put this away too?
Gay Real Estate Ninja: No! You have a lot of very nice things. Beautiful art. It's just not displayed as well as it might be. Where did you get that puppet over there anyway? I've seen things like it before.
PT: Oh that's from Indonesia.
GREN 1 & 2: (gazing)

I've been told that the dark red of my dining room (the Vietnam room) and the lavender and white cloud swirls of my bedroom (Kathmandu) are striking yet perhaps not to everyone's taste. The spices on 6 small built-in kitchen shelves by the back door will have to be put away and the sword below it (the Lion) moved. (I keep it in the long nook there so I can just grab it on the way out to the back garden.) Most people don't have swords in their kitchens.

I've been instructed to clear my kitchen counters entirely and to remove all artwork from the walls and shelves. They are to be placed in the basement so that they can be rearranged after some rooms are painted. All side tables must go downstairs for reassignment as well. All the carpet on the first floor is being removed to reveal the hardwood floors underneath. My Vietnamese tray table will soon be turned into a fun and lively bar.

(in the dining room)
GREN 1:  These swords are great. Maybe we can find a way to display them in an interesting way...?
GREN 2: Hmmm... (pondering, dubious, ambivalent stare at the swords plus one machete)
PT: Oh I have another one too you could use. It's my travel sword.
GREN 1: You have a travel sword? A sword you take with you...when you travel?
PT: Yes! It's collapsible. Would you like to see it?
GREN 1&2: NO!
PT: Ok.

I think I will learn a lot about home decorating so I am really excited about the process. I'm looking forward to seeing the results. And grateful to have such a great team of professionals whip Esther (my house) into shape. She deserves it. It's like the non-celebrity version of HGTV!!!