Kung Fu Girl & Aquaman, Orson & Eartha

My new main squeeze loves that I do tai chi sword and he's only the 3rd man now outside of my family (and aside from Zheng Qin, my teacher) who has seen me actually bust a few tai chi sword moves with sword in hand. I'm usually pretty shy about that but he's a great guy who is quite disarmingly charming.  We've had dinner a couple of times and he's bought a couple of bottles of Kung Fu Girl riesling for us to share. It's actually quite good btw. Perfect with good pizza.

Another man who has seen one of my swords (I had the Pearl with me and I opened it so he could see it -- boy were those eyes wide) has pulled the rug out from under my feet. Somehow I've said or done something that undid most of what I tried to do when last we met. I'm sometimes inappropriate and insensitive.

It's made me so upset in turn since our last conversation that I got an illness that's rare for me and I had to go get some medicine finally today. When last we met, I told him that we were in danger of Sartre's No Exit. Sartre's vision of hell was a shabby windowless parlor where one is trapped with 2 other people torturing each other with judgment, guilt and unsatisfied desire. The most hellish part is the failure to choose escape it when a choice - a door flung open into empty space - is offered. l'enfer, c'est les autres

There's no getting away from each other, at least for the next couple of years. We have almost hundreds of friends & acquaintances in common now. I figured we might as well make the best of it. Maybe turn our energy into successful initiatives that make a difference. I mean, we didn't even try that hard with the one thing we did together that turned out to be pretty significant. What if we actually worked on some things full force. Really put our backs into it. What might happen?

In thinking of a superhero he might be like, I think of Aquaman. His perception is so strong as to be almost psychic or telepathic or something. And his ability to motivate along with his natural gifts are almost unmatched. Also, he has a swimmer's Phelps-ish build. I was telling my trainer that someday history will show him to have been an important figure, a catalytic leader indeed.

But what about us? Are we Orson and Eartha? America wasn't ready for their relationship -- even today witness the denial of Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson's romance. It was hot and heavy but she broke it off. A year or 2 later, he got his public revenge in a "wardrobe malfunction." Oh you didn't know the back story?

Back in the 40s & 50s when Orson was still young, hot and brilliant, it was he who discovered younger  Eartha in a French cabaret and launched her career to a new trajectory. From Wikipedia:

In 1950, Orson Welles gave her her first starring role, as Helen of Troy in his staging of Dr. Faustus. A few years later, she was cast in the revue New Faces of 1952 introducing "Monotonous" and "Bal, Petit Bal," two songs with which she continues to be identified. In 1954, 20th Century-Fox filmed a version of the revue simply titled New Faces. Welles and Kitt allegedly had a torrid affair during her run in Shinbone Alley, which earned her the nickname by Welles as "the most exciting woman in the world."

7 years separated their meeting and their affair it seems. Their relationship was groundbreaking and revolutionary at the time. Eartha has had an amazing career and girlfriend continues to work (mostly voiceovers now that she's in her eighties)! But how far might she have gone without Orson as a formative mentor, a man who saw and nurtured something more in her than anyone ever had before?

He's the only man in my life outside our family that my mother has ever dreamed about. During a period in which I was working on a joint project, she had a recurring dream in which she stumbles upon a cozy home in which a young girl lived with her very own pink bedroom. She was my daughter and according to my mother very dark and very darling with ribbons in her hair. There she was well-cared for by a man. I did not appear in the dream nor did I live in the house with them. In each dream, the aspects of the man became clearer - tall, fair, intense -- his eyes, she said. Each time my mother asked me if there was something I wasn't telling her. Some secret I had. "There's nothing you can't tell me," she said over and over. My mother was half-convinced I'd had a secret love child until finally I had to confess that her dream had some truth to it if only in an allegorical rather than physical sense. "He's not ready for you yet," she said. The dreams ended.

No Exit. He agreed with me that we should start anew and build a new platform for mutual, friendly  support. And then changed his mind. I was surprised at the hit to my confidence, even to my health. What to do? He's passionately focussed and is disinclined to discuss matters outside of his life's work. Thich Naht Hanh would say - try again. What hangs in the balance long term after all? If only I can re-configure my emotions and think less of myself and more of others. I admit I have some jealousy issues. I'm just going to have to get over it like all the Hillary supporters will have to get over Barack Obama's primary win. You don't always get what you want and sometimes that's for the best.

Approaching all relationships with a giving heart filled with friendship, appreciation, clarity, honesty, openness, humility and above all, service is one of our spiritual challenges. All I can do is try. After all, it would be easier for Kung Fu Girl and Aquaman to vanquish the forces of evil together than apart. That's why there's a Justice League. Or something like that.

Comments

[Tai Chi Monkey Girl]

Love your blog. How long have you practice Tai Chi Sword? Do you practice other Tai Chi forms. I have yet to learn the Tai Chi Sword. I can't wait for my sifu to say that I'm ready to learn it.

Tai Chi Monkey Girl

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